I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
