I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
