I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
