I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
