who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
