Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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