Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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