Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
