I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
