that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
