know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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