what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
