Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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