.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
