she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i permit you to call me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
