Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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