I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
