I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
