Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
