dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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