She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
