This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
