I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
