my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
