You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
