i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
