If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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