she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So many bounce houses so little time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
