Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
