Life is so much better after having sex.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
