Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
