I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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