I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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