I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
