he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
