I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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