I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
