I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
