I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
