Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
