I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
