So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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