My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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