dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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