It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
