worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
