I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
