I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
