I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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