I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
