Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
