Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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