You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
