So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
