so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
